Monday, January 26, 2015


'Are you, are you coming to the tree
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee.
Strange things did happen here.
No stranger would it be
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.'

Would you meet me there? Would you come to me when I am too far gone to save? Would you save me even when you know you will drown? That neither of us will make it?
Will you hang onto an imaginary plank of hope as you reach out to me? Would you look into my eyes when we finally lose our battles? When we find solace only in one another?
Would you hold my hand as we sink into the depths of our infernos? Would you wear a necklace of rope side by side with me?
Or would you run? Would you leave me to the dogs, the monsters? Will you finally realise that loving me was never going to be enough for you?

(Yes, this is inspired by the Hunger Games. And a lot of bad moods. Cheers.)

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Introverted Extrovert

Well, to say that I was busy is an understatement anymore. I would probably need to invent a new word to describe my condition.
Yeah. That about explains it pretty correctly.
I don't really want to elaborate on that but since I am on a rant and the fact that there is no time or space in my brain to cook up something interesting to rant about I will rant about my busy, busy, busy life.
Sheesh. That is just narcissistic.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
I have been singing a lot recently. We have a huuuuuuuge function coming up at school. We are performing.
Shit. Shit. Damn. Damn. I am going to screw up. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Anyway, as usual I am freaking out. No big deal. I keep on freaking out all the time. Hopefully I won't trip on the instruments. And break my nose or something.
Well, what else? I have been weirder than usual. I jump up and down randomly. I trip on air. My hair looks like I just rode in a concorde jet with a couple of windows left open. My clothes may as well have been trampled on by a couple of horses for the way the lie in my wardrobe. I have weird sleep schedules. And I eat randomly. (More so than usual.) And I am a little more scatter brained than usual. Also, I have mastered the art of being an introverted extrovert.
As is common knowledge, I hate people in general. (I have this theory that I am an alien that is co-existing with the person who is the actual owner of this body. I hate her. She is ..... pretty horrible. So are all other people.)
So, anyway I have had to mingle with people more so than usual. What with the music thingy and the being semi-known in the school and having to put a pretense of not being rude. And so I have become the queen of having to talk to a lot people but avoiding it as far as I can. I really cannot deal with people well, But I manage. So I am the introverted extrovert.
(See? Weirder than usual.....)

Friday, January 2, 2015

The belated vow

I have been putting this post off for a couple of days now. The inevitable new year post.
I detest this post. Primarily because, I had a remarkably bad new year day.
But anyway, I am here and that most certainly is not to whine.
I guess that would be me resolution except for the fact that I resolved a couple of years ago that I wouldn't take up any New year resolutions. (Let's admit it, New year resolutions never last, so what is the point? Besides it's like my friend pointed out, all this just a cover up for people to get out of bed and actually just do something.)
But I am not one to bash resolutions. In fact, I congratulate anyone who has the courage to take these up. I am merely a coward with no stomach for more broken vows.
But as I said, no more whining.
I loved this year.
It was gorgeous like a thunderstorm. So beautiful that sometimes I was afraid of destroying something as delicate as a butterfly wing. As usual, I was just waiting for it to crumble down. Collapse. But nothing happened.
And believe me I am grateful. More grateful than you can possibly expect from a the world's greatest pessimist.
Because this year, I got more than what I ever thought I wanted.
Because suddenly everything is dazzling and dizzying. Because suddenly all those shooting stars that I wished upon became mine.
Because this year made me see things I had never seen before.
Because the only feeling that overwhelmed me as the year ended was gratefulness.
And that is my only vow, the only promise I make to my self.
To be grateful to be alive to see one more beautiful day.