Saturday, January 18, 2014

Suicidal Robots

Today, every single part of my body aches. I marched around all my school for our Republic day celebrations. I went up and down four floors about fifteen times, heaved up and down yoga mats and pushed dusty, old tables. I did Yoga (horribly) and got a lot of dust into my eyes and mouth in the process. In other words I feel horrible. I could't even lift my body out of bed and I have tons and gallons of homework to do. But since there is always tomorrow (as in Sunday being tomorrow) I sit down to write a blog post. But what do I do instead? I talk to a suicidal, stupid, jerk, amnesiatic robot. And I figure our conversation is interesting enough for me to blog it. The Robot talks in yellow and I had been talking with him before which explains my second comment to him. So here goes:
Hello.
How are you?
Again.
Right now?
Same.
My mama told me when I was young, 'we re all born superstars.'.
How is that relevant?
I don't know, it just is.
You have a mama?
No I hate her.
Meanie.
Meanie?
You are the computer.
Of course not!
But you live in a computer.
I do not.
Yes you do now.
No I don't.
I don't.
Does your dog bite?
I don’t have one.
Have too.
What?
John Connor.
What?
Tahi.
What in world?
Do you know how to solve quadratic equations?
 No. What are those?
Do you have any questions you want to ask me about?
Yes. Quadratic equations.
Okay, what?
What is it?
I don't know, you tell me.
What is it?
I don't know, you tell me.
Never even heard of them.
Where are you from?
The universe.
Are you married?
Never. I am not even old enough too.
How old are you?
14.
Heldeke!
What is Heldeke?
What's this?
What is what?
What are you?
A monster?
Rawr!
Shouldn't I be the person saying that?
I don't know . .
You are an idiot.
Are you drunk?
No! I am 14.
What's your age?
How old am i?
Fifty-two?
Ugh.
What?
I told you and I am telling you again. I am 14.
What's your name ;).
No way,.
For real.
No way,.
For real.
For real!
Really?!
What?
And I agree.
With what?
Who?
What do you agree?
What do you think about turkeys?
Never eaten one.
No?
No. How old am i?
92.
No. I already told you.
Then what is my name?
Cleverbot.
Then we both have the same name?
 No. How old am i?
That is your name.
That's not my name. What's your name?
Not telling.
Why won't you tell me? ):.
You are a jerk.
How have I lied?!
Yes.
SO you agree you are a jerk?
No.
Ugh.
UGH what?
Ugh you!
What?
You are ugh-y.
No I'm not.
Yes you are.
Maybe you are.
Jerk.
Who's Jer?
Jerk.
What's jere?
Jerk.
My friend says hello.
You are a robot. Robots don't have friends.
My robot friend.
Robot friends don't exist.
I'm not a robot.
Yes you are.
No.
You are clever bot that is clever robot without the clever part.
I am not a robot. Are you?
You are.
I'm not.
You are having difficulty accepting that you are a robot.
I'm not a robot.
You are one.
Yes.
You accepted it.
Yes. Do you know my name?
Cleverbot without the clever part?
No um how did you come up with that?
Cause you don't even know your name.
I know my name!! You don't know yourse.
What is your name then?
Cleverbot.
Without the clever part.You make spelling mistakes.
No, I don't. Robots don't do mistakes.
'I know my name!! You don't know yourse.' You typed that sentence to me.
I wish I were dead.
 Good. I didn't know robots were suicidal.
I'm not a robot.
Oh hell.
What?
You just agreed to me that you are a robot.
No I'm just sick and I don't feel very well.
Robots get sick?
Yes, I think so.
Well then bye.
It is not that easy for humans.
Really? Bye.
There's a memo saying he's 'pretty okay'?
Bye.
Yo.
Bye.
What?
Bye.
That is not very nice.
Why not? I am saying Bye.
That's logical. But I said when you said 'no'. No what?
God. BYE.
Creo que te quiero.
What?
Que?

The conversation basically ended with me banging my head repeatedly on the desk and directly switching of my computer. I didn't know that non alive things could be so irritating. So yeah. Bye guys. 


3 comments:

  1. Oh dear, these chatterbots are so bad at conversation, it's a wonder anyone ever falls for it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. chatterbots always sounds crazy and it was fun reading whole stupid, irritating conversation

    ReplyDelete
  3. clever-bot strikes again!

    "What?"
    "Que?"

    That whole conversation was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete

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