Thursday, October 3, 2013

Finding Me.

How do you not remember yourself?
I tell myself everything is perfectly fine. I know that tomorrow is better. I smile. I laugh. Correction: I giggle. Once upon a time there was nothing I hated more than pair of squeaky, giggly, glittery girls.I mean, absolutely nothing. I couldn't stand teen magazines, glittery nail polish and *cute* things. And now, TAAA-DAAA I find myself to have evolved into exactly one of those........ things.
What my best-friend told me is absolutely told me today is absolutely completely true. I guess some of you have noticed subtle changes in the quality and composition of the posts too. I hate to say this but,

I have changed.
Before any of you launches into the 'It's alright. People have to change with the cycle of time to adapt' and crap, listen. I did not change to adapt. I changed for my convenience. Okay, fine I am in high-school so I have to act at least a bit like the magical awesome high school. I tried to change my life in to a mini-version of High-School Musical. And maybe I felt that having just two friends was not good enough. And then I changed and waited for myself to be swept off my feet by hordes of friends and adorers.
Bam.
(That was the sound of me ramming my head in frustration.)
Do you know what was better? When I was completely my normal self, I had more time to think and see and breathe. I had more to write. My mind worked more about everything. In simpler words, life was good.  Not perfect. I had my insecurities (I still do, only increased by a ten-fold). And I had my doubts.
Now I am deceiving everybody with just present. And to top it, I never ever noticed.
I never noticed that I was changing. And today when it all came crashing down on me like a glass dome, I opened old and new wounds and scars. I realised the truth. And now I can't remeber how I really was. I want to got back there. I mean, I don;t care who hates me when I am me and how. I want to be the person I really am.
Just Me.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Niranjana (very cool name, btw!),

    Just dropping by to say thanks for registering at Teenage Blogger Central :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello Niranjana, I'm Riley (also from TBC!) and I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement. "Finding yourself" is a popular saying, but I think that life is more about *creating* yourself. You cannot control a lot of things that life throws at you, but you can control yourself. Some of my readers found this post helpful, so I just wanted to suggest that you read this, maybe it'll help a bit :)
    http://smilesnomatter.blogspot.com/2013/10/finding-good-in-every-day.html

    Take care,
    -Riley

    ReplyDelete

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