Friday, September 27, 2013


Something seems to be missing. No, my mind is deluded. Everything is here, in its place. Everything is perfectly fine. Except for me.
My heart is thudding. So hard. It is starting to hurt a bit. I ignore it. I am not sure about where I have to go. I don't know. I stumble. I am lying on the ground. I don't thing I want to get up. I stay. 
Somebody is standing beside me. I don't know that person very well. I think she wants to help me. She reaches out her hand to me. I don't know whether to reach back. I am torn. What if she let's me fall again? Some people have. Already. Let me fall harder, deeper. But I have always pulled myself back out. I am not sure I have the strength do that anymore. I am fatigued. I need help. I am too scared to ask for it. I am about to reach out for it. I stop myself. 'No, I have to get myself back onto my own feet.' I refuse the hand. I get up, grazing my palms in the process. 
The owner of the hand looks stunned. I think she believed that in the state that I was, I would take any help that came my way. Maybe she really wouldn't hurt me. Maybe...
No. No. I steel myself. I continue my trek to who-knows-where. I hear a scramble behind me. I think she is following me. 
I walk faster  I am determined to let her go. But somebody is following me. Eventually the footsteps slow down. They stop. I turn around, panting. I am alone again. All alone again.
And then I finally know. I was alone. 


  1. I thought you said this was depressing. It's kind of uplifting, actually . . .

    1. Uplifting how? Compared to the other one, maybe.


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