Sunday, June 23, 2013

My bit

Last week I was depressed. I mean depressed. But then this week I was extremely happy. Well most of the time anyways. See you would think that depression would hit me bad but then I shrug it off and continue. But there is thing really on my mind.
In the North India there is a huge flood. A huge flood that has killed thousands of people. Left several more homeless and often hopeless. India is waiting with bated breath to learn the extent of the disaster. And the epicenter of the disaster is a holy place called Kedarnath. Most of the people were pilgrims and tourists. Roads disappearing as though they never existed. I was glued to the television watching three storeyed buildings getting washed away as though they were my baby brother's building blocks. Only they weren't. And they had people in them. Real people with dreams and hopes and people waiting for them at home. And right now dumb politicians are fighting about why so-and-so hasn't done anything and making tasteless remarks about the disaster stricken area. I was shocked. I sat, mouth wide open. People are dying, dead and they're fighting like toddlers? I couldn't believe the leaders of my country.
I shudder, it could have been me. It could have been anybody I care about. Right now, I don't know anybody there but if I did I know how painful it would be. I have been screaming at my best friend (through a phone so old it probably was owned by a caveman.  Ugh, here I am complaining about my life when I am talking about a disaster) that we had to do something. She very sensibly and diplomatically replied, 'We can't.' Two words but the complete realty. What the hell can a 13 year old living a million miles away from where the disaster happened do? So I decided to write about it. To let the world know. I can scream about and let the world pray. I can pray alongside. I won't sit idle. I will help. I have to help. I have helped. 'Sib ntsib dua'. (Hmong)

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Lahdidah deedah

I am unhappy. I have several reasons to be. I discovered that in my school of 1500 people exactly two people like me. Yes that's right.  And suddenly without reason today I got angry at them. I was stuffed into a six-seater van with seventeen people, I have a 25 marks maths assignment tomorrow  I had a surprise english test and I am upset for god-knows what reasons. I don't know why but all these days I am either too bubbly or depressed. And this makes me weirder. I do weird poses, apparently laugh too much and overreact. And even though the people who say all this don't know the first thing about me, it still hurts. I mean I thought that I was used to this. Getting teased, made fun of, getting stabbed from behind. Then I used to cry. Now it just feels like a lurching. A numbness due to too much pain. Then I realize that I just want to be someone else. A perfectly normal person. I guess nothing is abnormal about normal. Then you can hide in the shadows. Shadows so deep that nobody will ever find you. I don't care any longer. 
I am not melancholic. I am not a psycho. I am not dumb either. I am just in a bad mood. I wish there were more people who actually cared about everybody. Ah anyway a good does of ranting always improves my mood. I am happy again. Lahdidah deedah. Anyways since I am all settled in school now I will go back to regular posting schedules.