Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Doubts

How bad is it? How bad is it to pretend? To believe in a story that you make? To not to love your friends? To maybe desert? And then to not believe? I do it. I make up the stories. I have had few friends. But there always were two girls.They were always there. We were very different, in fact nothing like each other. They were childish, even babyish at times. I used to feel out of place and lamely laugh at their hardly understood jokes. We were friends because of two reasons. 1. I didn't know anybody but them. They wanted a person to join their trio because the third friend had just changed schools. But then it didn't matter then. We were just kids. We just hung out with each other. We were not even in the same class. I guess I didn't care. I guess i didn't know.
Soon came a move halfway across the country. In a way I was overjoyed. It was, after all, another chance. But of course that didn't happen. I again resided with the shadows. I thought that this was the way I was going to stay. But then another move came along. And then with a bang I found myself sitting in a new classroom of the old school. And in the class of one of the girls. But now it had relevance. Now I decided that I couldn't stay hidden forever. I deserted these girls and tried to befriend the 'cool' kids. And eventually landed back on the ground with an almighty thump. And then I went back to seeking my old company. I apologized and let that be. Then came another girl. I had known her for a long time. She was actually my first friend when I originally joined the school. I talked to her and decided that I will try her. Again I marooned my pals. I take that back. I marooned the only one left of my pals. The other girl had decided we weren't fit for her company (she got herself in a lot of trouble with the new pals and returned but that's some time into the future). The other girl, well let's just call her possessive and constantly moaning. I ignored her and happily walked around with my new best friend. We had a fairly peaceful relationship with just a couple of fights and loads of laughter.
Then began the summer holidays. Which meant tonnes of time. And then I sat and thought of how it meant to be marooned. Since I have experienced it several times it was easy for me. But for others? And then is it right for me to like a friend who my other friends hate? I don't know because I am not sure the friend likes just me as much. Should I not take risks and just return to the old gang? Or try? Nah its just loads of days of confusion falling together. But then in the end, how bad is it to lie to yourself?

1 comment:

  1. Never ditch a friend for a cooler one. Its not about being in a gang. It about being in the happy memories of a few people who matter in your life..Friendships...make the most of it..

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