Thursday, February 21, 2013

Messed up!

Imagine a piece of paper. Very thin paper. Now imagine taking it and crumpling it. Now that's what i am right now. Aaargh I have 2 days of holidays and I don't have any imagination left inside me. There are sometimes when I just feel knotted up. Mixed up. Jumbled up. Turned inside out. I have humongous ideas, just no means of getting them to work. I am simultaneously writing two books, one essay, a couple of poems that don't make sense even to me, a blog post which just seems too boring no matter how I put it and also abiology project, set theory and exams looming overhead. My mum is threatening to take my computer away from me and my friends are getting nagging. I am also hating the fact that i am so damn self-pitying. I think only the more privileged among us complain. And I am not even planning on elaborating that topic.
        I am a nut in a shell. I don't mean the crazy 'nuts'. I don't even understand how that makes sense. I mean if you are in a nut it should mean that you are something useful but cannot break out of your shell without force being applied by someone else. All of us are born with a default shell. Its just that some crack it to easily without anybody's help. Okay, I take that right back. Everybody always needs somebody's support. But some just decide to spend the rest of their life in that casing, rotting and dying away.And sometimes I feel like being like them. Sometimes when the world is just too cruel. Not to me but to others who I love or even those I don't know. I don't want to be great in their misery, don't want to be happy while others mourn. I feel like just shutting away the world, being mediocre and not doing anything great. But is it really a choice or is it assigned to you? Can you make an unexpected change surprising even yourself? I know, I know I sound like some guidance councilor  or something but I had nothing else to write about and this sounded kinda cool in my head. So everybody just love yourself and break the shell. And some comments will do me great. I am not receiving many. Thanks for reading. 'Adijo'. (Slovenian)
Quit building a shell around yourself.


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