Tuesday, January 29, 2013

No Identity

I didn't have a sign till very recently. It used to depress me very much. I never was an artist in any mode. I sing like a donkey, draw like a toddler on walls and dance like an elephant. Sadly my inability to draw affected even geometry and my signature. I used to finish books trying to find a decent signature. I would see pretty signs, stylish signs, quirky signs and quaint ones and would try to copy all but end up with a jumbled combination that spelt  'prstququ' (Noticed? Mixture of the above said attributions) and ended up screaming plain weird. After a certain while I got so fed up that I just scribbled out my initial with a zig-zag line under it. It looked elementary and stupid next to all the beautiful and awesome signs my immature classmates had just found cool. I started looking for signs in the Internet and started stealing some ideas of others. My own cousin sister had the most awesome one I had ever seen. With the straight lines perfectly straight and the curved lines perfect in their own way each of her signs were carbon copies of each other. Mine were different even if I used a carbon paper underneath one. I was JEALOUS. My parents saying that i had a lot of time to determine my sign. But in the cut-throat world of middle school you kill or die (I mean you have to trample or get squished and I was dangerously close to getting flattened to a pancake). Don't think I am being silly. During some exams which were taken out of school we had to sign our name and mark our attendance and get our hall ticket. The supervisors were marking the attendance one student at a time while we were writing the exam and I was approached close to the end. I glanced into the sheet and was so blown away by some that I dropped my pen. That day I decided something. I decided  not to eat and sleep till I found a good,proper, stylish and awesome signature. I let go of the food vow(I had to keep my energy up!) but stayed up all night practicing different flourishes and doodles and fonts for my name. Dangerously close to falling asleep I tried out something. A e like curve changing into an N, some other alphabets in between and then a looping J from which continued an A and the rest of the alphabets of my 'extremely-hard-to-make-a-sign-with' name. Victorious I fell into exhausted but glowering with happiness dreamless sleep.
   I was late for school the next day but was it worth it. Rummaging around for socks all I could think was that I finally have an identity, a place in the world. I was already present in this world for 13 years but it was only then I felt accountable. Stupid, but smileable. So people,cherish your signatures, the one thing that makes you you and something to the world and 'xudafiz'. (Azerbaijani)

2 comments:

  1. Hi!
    I would love to follow you, but i don't see a follow-button?
    Xxxx Juno

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Juno, if you join Blogger you can add blogs to follow (even if you don't start a blog), or you can just save the page to 'favourites' in your browser . . .

      Niranjana, my initials are M & A. I put them together, into an M, with a star, but when I write it quickly it turns into a sort of treble cleff. Although my school had a very different culture towards signatures, I love mine because I use it to sign all my blog pictures.
      They are open source, and anyone can use them. But so long as my signature's there, everyone will know they are mine.

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